Saturday, March 6, 2010

Blended, not Stirred

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be blended? Spinning and spinning, then it stops and you look around in a daze, get stirred, then.. whiplash! Back to the spinning.

That was my week. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.

As expected, I am not pregnant.

Aunt Flo played mini mind tricks on me, and then came out to say hello. Blah.

Work was ridiculous.

I am still new to my current role. This week I realized that what I do actually know is DWARFED by what I do NOT. And...
  • My manager was across the globe in an opposite time zone
  • I'm piloting new work that no one completely understands (not even the supplier who is helping us)
  • Upper management is very interested in this work
  • It is behind schedule
  • It's one of the busiest times of year for everyone, so no one has time to help
  • I had fully scheduled evenings every night. So... working extra to figure out said work meant staying up until the wee hours
  • I was much more emotional than usual, not to mention overtired

Highlighted Freak-out Episode
Tuesday (a.k.a. cry-fest). I had a 7am conference call, but didn't remember until 7:55am as I was about to blow-dry my hair.

Panic! Run into the living room, towel perched precariously on my head. Open my laptop and hope hope hope the 7am is Wednesday, not Tuesday. Wrong.

Furiously email my manager & associate director (meeting was with them). Rush to open and finish updating something I was supposed to bring to the meeting. Computer crashes. I scream. Start crying. Hands are shaking. Endorphins rage as I wait for the computer to reboot, tapping my foot and fingers the whole time. It starts, but I can no longer access the drive where the file was saved. Crap. Try to fix it. Can't. Sobbing now. Call Mr. Peapod, saying a little prayer he picks up. He does (thank God!). Tells me (in a nice and calming way) that one meeting won't ruin my whole career. Finally we get it fixed. I access the file. Update it. Send it out. Work the rest of the morning from home to stop myself from crumbling into a weepy freaky heap in front of co-workers.

And to make things worse, my hair was weird and flat all day because it spent too much time in that dang towel.

Is it Aunt Flo? Is it the IVF appointment Monday? Or have I just lost my mind?
My cry-fest continued all week.

Wednesday: Cried because Mr. Peapod gave me the wonderful gift of postponing his birthday celebration until today. I wasn't ready. He said he "saw the look in my eyes I get when I'm about to do something crazy." And he didn't want me to run around to all sorts of stores and get no sleep just to be able to celebrate the day of.

Thursday: Cried about work during dinner.

Friday: Came close to crying at work at least 5 times. Usually during conversations with my associate director about that big crazy project. Luckily I held it together enough to hold off the tears until she walked away.

I'm an insane person.

I haven't even started getting shot up with hormones yet! If I am having trouble controlling my emotions now, what in heck-fire will I do once IVF starts?


  1. Oh, I am so sorry about your crazy emotions. I know how you feel. Sometimes it just feels as if the whole world is crashing down. *HUGS*. I have found that exercise, meditation, and eating lots of good things really helps control my crazy emotions. Of course, having an understanding DH really helps too! I wish you the best in the next few weeks!

  2. So sorry you're having a crazy time of it.
    I hope things calm down for you soon!(and it's okay to freak out or cry sometimes - you'll get through all of this!)