Felt the chasm

I've read on other blogs about the fertile/infertile gap. The separation those of us feel from fertile myrtle families where kids were not hard to come by. I felt that acutely last night.

We had dinner with friends for Mr. Peapod's birthday. One couple had to cancel at the last minute due to their child being sick, and the wife of another couple had to say home because of their little boy's ear infection. The final couple left their little one at home with a non-family babysitter for the first time. We were the only ones without kids. And I realized during dinner that at 35, I was the oldest one at the table.

I may have imagined it, but a question seemed to linger. Out there. In the open air. Whispering... "When are you going to have kids? When are you going to join our club?"

They know we want children soon. We've talked about it. They also saw me have a glass of wine, so it's clear I'm not pregnant now.

I want to be part of that club, but the door is jammed and it's taking me longer to get in than I thought it would.