Tricky fallopians

Dear stupid twinge-like pangs in my lower right abdomen,

You are gas, right? Or constipation? Or maybe a gall stone or early stage appendicitis?

I didn't eat as many vegetables this weekend as I normally do, is that your problem? Or is it that I ate dessert on both weekend days?

I know the liklihood of you signalling something great, like say, implantation, is low... so can you please clarify your purpose?

Google has informed me that he has provided all available relevant information, so now it's up to you.

Sincerely Yours,
-Peapod